Never gonna give you up


A wise guy once told me Lent is less about giving things up but more about reflection and renewal. I’ve been working balls to the wall for the past 4-5 months. I feel like this is a good time to reflect and renew.  

  • Health – start working out again. I feel like a blob. 
  • Work – stop being a doormat and quit complaining 
  • Home – keep clearing stuff out. A friend has a challenge of taking one bag of stuff out a day. Pretty sure I can do that. 
  • Mind – go out and see the world more. Well that one is unfair since I’m going to Japan in a week and a half. 
  • Develop – just read and write more. 

So that’s my plan. Nobody is going to hold me to it. But it feels nice to put it down in words, isn’t it?

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In The Light of Day


First off, I want to apologize to my Facebook friends for my increasingly angry tone last night. It helps no one.

The sun rose today, and we’re all still here.  

I am largely disappointed that we voted with our guts rather than reason.  While I am disappointed, it is technically the will of the American People as a whole, apathy and all.  I will respect it.

 

When they go low, we go high.

When Obama was elected 8 years ago all the trolls came out of hiding. We got ourselves an obstructionist government and a Republican party that did everything (and I mean everything) in their power to destroy their opponent (and themselves along the way). I refuse to behave in such a childish way. This new administration was brought on by something like bratty children throwing a temper tantrum.  They got what they wanted.

Sure I am angry.  I have every right to be (while I still have the right to be).  I see people on social media shaming Trump supporters and friends who un-friended people who voted for him.  I refuse to retaliate.  This is not the way to find ourselves out of this mess.  I will do my best to channel my anger into the positive.

The troubleshooter in me is trying to figure out why this happened.

Whether or not this is a good decision we made for ourselves, we will see in the weeks and months to come.  Right now I’m mostly concerned with why I feel this way, and how can there be that many people who disagrees with my point of view.

More than anything, I am afraid.

I am a college educated elite living in a prosperous area working in Tech.

I am also an Immigrant, Asian, LGBTQ Woman of child baring age.

I know what it’s like to feel like I don’t belong and be trivialized – The sexist and bigoted, I’m looking at you.

I grew up in the Bay Area in the 90’s not quite belonging, but I had my role models (HRC, Janet Reno, Madeleine Albright, Margaret Cho to name a few) and freedom to think that with hard work (when I get around to it), I can do anything I wanted to.  This had been largely true.  My failings along the way were my own.  Any external forces to suppress were comparatively trivial.  I have been fortunate, but I know how it could have been worse.

I am a bit of a toss up politically.  Even those who are closest to me do not see the world the same way I do.  In this go around, fear won out.

So much social progress had been made for someone like me in the past twenty years.  I’m afraid of having all of those things wiped away.

We are seeing two different Americas. 

What I learned from the past 18 months is that generalization and assumptions are dangerous.

This is what it’s like to watch a train wreck happen and do nothing about it.  It would be easy for me to say it is not my fault, I did my part.  A lot of people say they didn’t see it coming. But there had been 18 months of ineffective communication between the opposing forces.  We got really good at sticking our fingers into our ears and tune the other side out.

Not two weeks ago I sat in front of a Director at work with a group of my peers during a discussion about bias and told him how much I hated to be man-splained.  I felt great to have voiced my opinions and shared my experience at the time.  We were all in agreement that it was a terrible thing, because I was speaking with like-minded people.

That is not enough.

What we need right now, more than ever, is dialogue.

I need to stop turning away from those I don’t understand.

I hold myself accountable for not doing anything sooner. Apathy, or worse yet, just throwing empty words up on social media contributed to this. You may say that I’m being hypocritical by making a post about this in social media. But I am at the point where I know I need to take an extra step. I need to do better, because it is abundantly clear that nobody else is going to do it for me.

Rather than lecture, I would like to listen and learn. I would like to start dialogues. I would like to understand why we are here.

I refuse to be petty.  I refuse to be dragged down.  I will keep an open mind.  I will not be bullied.  I will only respond with reason and fact.  I will give the man a chance. I will hold him accountable to the things he promised. I want to see how he will make America great again.

Devoid of meaningful leadership, all we have is each other. 

I will be kind to others.  I will be constructive.  I will fight for those who are less fortunate.  I will do something truly meaningful and not entirely symbolic.

It is not about me.  It is not about the politics.  It is about finding ways to treat one another as human beings again.

Like so many times before, I take this setback, dust myself off, and move forward.  

 

Restore


Although I had some really good times this weekend (friend’s birthday dinner, movie, hockey), it was at the same time trying. My personal phone decided to crap out on me on Friday and I spent a good amount of time trying to fix it. Long story short, I got my phone working again, but I lost about 6 months of iMessages and some game progress. 

So I’m going to hang out. Think about cleaning. And just watch some football to unwind. 

Blame The Cubbies

No of course I didn’t write last night. I was too busy watching the World Series. Not that I like either one of the teams, they were plain playing some great baseball. 

I had several conversations yesterday about career paths yesterday. It made me realize that I still don’t have it all figured out. This is like building a skill tree. No wonder I’m so bad at RPGs. I just want to be good at everything.  I have some decisions to make. I just need to pick what I’m actually passionate about then double down on it. 

Slow Progress

Surprise! I didn’t write last night. Actually I would be surprised if you thought I actually sat down and wrote 1700 words. I actually find it really hard to write at night.  I did jot down some ideas yesterday morning on the way to work. Hopefully I can use that as my starting point. 

I have noticed that my ability to context switch diminishes as the day wears on. I usually have some very distinct ideas I want to execute on in the morning and my concentration is usually shot by afternoon. That is probably a sign that I should top load my day with personal work and have meetings in the afternoon. Let’s see how that goes. 

Keeping Track of Dates


Can you tell I’m not good at keeping track of dates? Today is actually the day NaNoWriMo starts. 

I have a theory that my mind is a singularity. All my thoughts, feelings, and experiences just rolls into one big ball, layering on top of one another. 

My idea for my novel is actually a collection of letters. I’m pretty sure it will be non-linear. Multiple recipients: some inanimate objects, some finctional characters, some real people. Let’s see if I can pull it into something coherent. 


In other news. We were the house with the full size candy bars last night. I felt kind of bad that we didn’t get around to decorate. I think the candy made up for it. 

National Novel Writing Month

It’s the first day of November, which means it’s the first day of National Novel Writing Month

I’ve looked into writing something for a few years. Lots of starts and stops. I think I finally have something I can work with. Might as well commit to it while it’s fresh on my mind. 

I’m committed to write 50000 words in the next 30 days, that roughly translates to 1700 per day. Which honestly is not so much if I actually have something to write about. 

Before you ask, no I will not be posting it. This first effort is for me only. I might self publish under a pen name at some point,  but most if not all of you will never see it. I’d like to keep it this way. However! I will be talking about my writing progress. Let’s see how it goes.